Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Cocksman Values Diversity

In this rule, diversity should be applied in two ways. First, The Cocksman appreciates a variety of holders of vaginas that differ in important ways. Second, The Cocksman thrives on different types of sexual activity. We'll tackle each aspect in a separate paragraph.

It's not uncommon to encounter a person who has very specific requirements for a qualified holder of the vagina (e.g. skinny white girls). While The Cocksman can respect the qualities of the women with these requirements, he also recognizes that many different types of holders have different things to offer. The Cocksman would liken this approach to restricting himself to one type of holder of the vagina forever to restricting oneself to one type of food forever. While the spiciness of a Latina/burrito is great at times, The Cocksman understands that the richness of a Chicken Marsala/Italiana or the freshness of a Dragon Roll/Japanesa can offer equally wonderful, unique experiences.

Some people live by the cliche' "If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it." The Cocksman thinks those people are idiots. If The Cocksman lived his life in that way, he'd still be stuck with Missionary intercourse for the rest of his days. While Missionary is fun here and there, The Cocksman realizes that other positions, as well as other types of sexual activity, offer different types of satisfaction and help to keep interactions with holders of the vagina interesting.

Example A: After Winnie starts her job as a lifeguard, Kevin got a job at the furniture store. Based on his more recent conversations with Winnie, it's pretty obvious that she's got something else going on, but Kevin refuses to give up. When one of the hotter saleswomen at the furniture store pulled Kevin in for a kiss and offered up The Union of The Monkey as a starting point, he replied "No thanks, cowgirl with Winnie is the only way for me." Paul was so disappointed with Kevin's vaginamanship that he stole a page out of Wayne's book and smacked him in the back of head while berating him for being such a "butthead."

Example B: While Alex had a reputation for being extremely conservative in politics, it definitely was not the case when it came to the ladies. He wanted all kinds, except anybody who resembled Mallory. He knew what he wanted, so he performed a stakeout operation on the exchange students. In no time, he had a new girl for every night of the week who brought fresh foods, new positions and a renewed freakiness. In the end, he was so successful that Jay-Z wrote "Girls, Girls, Girls" as an homage to APK. That's cocksmanship fo' real.

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