Friday, June 27, 2008

The Cocksman shall use his Cockvision appropriately

Much like a Pro Bowl Running Back, a Cocksman uses his field vision to make the most of every situation. When walking down the street, The Cocksman keeps his eyes peeled waiting for signals for holders of vaginas indicating their interest. Potential signs include slight touches, extensive eye contact or laughing at bad jokes. When The Cocksman uses his Cockvision and picks up these signs, he makes the most of the opportunities presented to him.

On top of making the most of every situation wherever he is at, The Cocksman does his best to immerse himself in areas where there will be maximum acceptable vaginas. Again, referring to the running back simile, it's like following his blockers to ensure he makes it to the end zone. This means that, instead of hanging out in the free weight area of the gym , The Cocksman would head to the beach or college campus to maximize potential intercoursal relations. Cockvision is obviously much more valuable when there are more vaginal prospects about.

Example A: Brad kept pestering Randy to go down to the arcade for a Street Fighter II Tournament. Reluctantly, Randy went along even though he knew that the only chance he had of hooking up there was with that one Asian chick whose brother who lives on the DDR machine. On the way over, Randy noticed a group of girls heading to the school dance. He pleaded with Brad to skip the arcade and go with them, but Brad really wanted to show Mark and some of the guys that he could beat anyone with Ryu. After a quick victory over Blanca, Brad was entranced and couldn't be disturbed. Once Randy realized this, he snuck out the side door and bailed to the school dance where he ended up fingering one of the cheerleaders that Brad had been wanting to hook up with. Cocksmanship takes work, and it looks like the effort Randy put in is paying dividends.

Example B: Jimmy and Sheen were hanging out playing with Sheen collection of UltraLords when Cindy and Libby showed. Cindy put her hand on top of Jimmy's and made some comments about how she wanted to show Jimmy how she used a "special new invention I found in my mom's top drawer." Unfortunately, Jimmy was too focused on Sheen's newest action figure and failed to recognize these not so subtle signs. Jimmy's Cockvision is clearly not 20/20.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

The Cocksman Shall Always Be Prepared

A Cocksman realizes that holders of vaginas appear at all different times and it's not always possible to know when one is looking to fill said vagina. It is for this reason that the Cocksman is always ready for an encounter with a desirable holder of a vagina. Nothing frustrates The Cocksman more than destroying the possible chance for intercourse with a prospect purely as a result of unpreparedness.

Preparation, in this rule, is in reference to acting, dressing and embodying what it is to be a Cocksman at all times. Essentially, The Cocksman practices good Cocksmanship everywhere he goes. It doesn't matter whether he's hungover, on his way to the gym or heading to a club, The Cocksman is ready. In addition to the possible vaginal opportunities, The Cocksman recognizes that he represents all his fellow Cocksmen when he enters a public arena and, by defining himself as a Cocksman, he has inherently promised to properly represent them everywhere he goes.

Example A: Following a light night hookup with Jan at the local Chili's, Michael headed back to his condo. He knew he had to meet with his realtor, Carol, the following morning at 9 am to sign some mortgage documents. Although he had been out late with Jan and was understandably worn out, Michael set his alarm for 7:30 am, woke up, showered, trimmed his pubes, put on his fun jeans, a tight t-shirt and sprayed a bit of Nightswept onto himself. Not surprisingly, the paper signing turned into getting a coffee, which, a couple of hours later, led to a "nooner." Practicing good Cocksmanship has its benefits.

Example B: Frank had noticed that he was catching eyes from both Jenna and Liz, but had yet to make a move on either in hopes he could bag both. Following the Friday TGS show, Frank found himself staying late to work on Tracy's pornographic video game when Jenna knocked on the door. Although he was tired, it was clear Jenna was ready for action and he wasn't going to disappoint her. Following the intercourse, they both headed to their separate homes. The next morning, Frank awoke, put on his "Extra Cheese" hat and drug himself to the local diner for some eggs and coffee. Surprisingly enough, he ran into Liz, who, when she saw him from a distance, began doing her sexy walk in hopes of seducing him. However, when she got closer, she saw that Frank was unshaven, unshowered and she swore she could smell Jenna's unfresh vagina all over his moustache. Immediately, she made up an excuse about having to meet a friend at the movies and swore to herself she'd never touch Frank's penis. Frank, you're a disgrace to Cocksmen everywhere.