Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Cocksman Never Stops Exploring

The Cocksman recognizes that vaginas can be found all over the world in a variety of situations and he must press his way into that new vaginal territory. The Cocksman knows that different holders of vaginas are found in a large assortment of not only areas, but also circumstances. As previously stated, The Cocksman values diversity, and the chance to interact with a new species of vagina makes his heart quiver. The Cocksman recognizes it is his duty to pursue these vaginas as if they were filled with sunshine and candy canes. Fight on, Cocksmen!

I should make it clear that The Cocksman thrives on adventure, not only of the vaginal category, but all kinds. When The Cocksman is offered an opportunity of new sights, new experiences and possibly new vaginas, he does not let it pass him by. There are several reasons why The Cocksman is so deadset on embarking into uncharted waters. First, The Cocksman simply loves to blaze new trails. There is just something in his blood that pushes him onward. Second, The Cocksman is on a neverending quest in search of the perfect vagina. The Cocksman knows that in this hunt, he must leave no stone unturned, no pubes uninspected, if he his to have any hope of success. Finally, exploration and adventure make The Cocksman a more captivating person to all people and their genitalias, which is a major component of Cocksmanship. The Cocksman should be able to win over any group with his charm, tales of exploration and unabashed sexuality. It is for all of these reasons that The Cocksman never stops exploring.

Example A: The last thing Bran wanted to do was run around with Mikey, Data, Chunk and Mouth, but when he found out they were going on a treasure hunt and that Andy, the hot cheerleader, was going to be there, he set off to following them. No obstacle was going to keep him from participating, not even being tied to a chair or having the air let of his bike tires. When he finally caught up with them, they were headed into the tunnels under the Fratelli's house. Bran knew that going underground to chase after the treasure wasn't a safe bet, but he knew there was potential for this to be a caper for the ages, as well as a chance to steal Andy's heart and maybe get into her panties. It'll be no surprise to you that everything worked out for Bran as he handled himself like a true Cocksman.

Example B: Gary and Wyatt were working on creating a computer program that would design the perfect woman. Partway through, they agreed that this was too much power for them to have as it would certainly create some wild times, which they weren't up to handling. They decided to destroy the program and never speak of it again. As a result, they never made Lisa, she never confronted Chet, there was no rager and the boys never got girlfriends, all because of their lack of Cocksmanship at an early age.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Cocksman Always Has Options

Like a good poker player, The Cocksman makes sure that he has outs in case things don't go according to plan. While there are times when The Cocksman will pledge himself to one vagina, it normally isn't enough to keep him happy. The Cocksman must keep in mind that said vagina may move on to another Cock or it may simply dry up, forcing him to head to other vaginal territories. Knowing of this possibility, The Cocksman always keeps a vagina on the back burner.

The manner in which The Cocksman accomplishes this interesting task is quite simple. The Cocksman maintains a flirting relationship with a variety of vagina holders, always keeping them interested, but never giving in to temptation until the time is right. This includes keeping a friendly association with the holders of those vaginas who The Cocksman has previously entered, as he knows they often lust for the satisfaction that only The Cocksman can give. When it is time for The Cocksman to header for less bushy pastures, he calls upon whichever of these vaginas he finds most desireable and, if rejected, simply works his way down the list. It may be difficult to maintain this type of lifestyle, but that's the duty of The Cocksman.

Example A: John had been banging Nancy for several years, but he still had concerns about the possibility of her returning to Dale. To entice the other ladies around town, he continued working out, kept providing massages and migraine treatements to the women of Arlen and rocking the Jeep Wrangler. When Nancy finally headed back to her husband, Charlene, who Bill had been chasing, moved in with John and gave him all the vagina he could handle. John was satisfied in how following the path of The Cocksman had paid off.

Example B: Gomez was understandably obsessed with Morticia and her neatly trimmed vagina. He failed to maintain any sort of relationship with any woman not a member of his family while engaged in this relationship. One day, he realized he had grown tired of her increasingly stretched vagina (which he later learned was due to an ongoing affair with Lurch) and decided to move on. Unfortunately, his failure to obey a most basic rule of Cocksmanship resulted in an extended dry streak as he was forced to warm up various holders of vaginas from the very beginning. He swore to himself he'd never challenge the code of The Cocksman again.

The Cocksman Shall Not Disguise His Intentions

From the first interaction with a holder of the vagina, The Cocksman exudes a raw sexual energy. The Cocksman does this primarily with his eyes, body language and his oral statements. The eyes of The Cocksman will look up and down the holder of the vagina's body, make eye contact with her, then shoot the glance back down to the vagina and hold it for three seconds, which has been to known to cause an instantaneous full-body orgasm. The body language of The Cocksman is laid back, sending out a "come hither" vibe combined with a message of fertility. The statements The Cocksman make let the holder of the vagina know that The Cocksman finds her attractive and will allow her to make a temporary home on The Cock if she so desires. These statements can range from "you're looking sexy" to "I can tell you want me to take off my pants" and everything in between. These three things, eyes, body language and spoken statements are critical to The Cocksman's success.

This sexual energy of The Cocksman ensures that the holder knows where, if she chooses, her vagina is headed. There are no mistakes about the beginning of a friendly relationship or other non worthwhile endeavors. The Cocksman lays his cards on the table and lets the holder of the vagina make her move. Often, her move is shoving the cards onto the floor and engaging in intercourse with The Cocksman on the table.

Example A: Bo and Daisy were stuck in the barn waiting for Luke to arrive when Bo commented on how nicely Daisy's shorts seemed to be fitting. After an extended glance, a little smirk, Daisy responded with, "Bo, are you hitting on me?" Startled, Bo quickly came up with an explanation and denied it even though he had wanted to bang Daisy since they were nine years old and learned that it was okay for third cousins to have sex. Disappointed, Daisy and turned her back and waited for her next session with Uncle Jesse. Bo's inability to step up to the plate and be a Cocksman forced him into another moonshine induced masturbation session in the back of The General Lee.

Example B: Six barged into the Russo's house and hurriedly asked where Blossom was. Joey informed her that Blossom was out learning to drive with her dad. Disappointed, Six turned to leave, but Joey caught her by the hand and informed her that, although her new hat with some sort of fruit on the front of it looked good, it would look even better at the foot of his bed. With that, he led her upstairs, and, without a word exchanged (with the exception of a "whoa" here and there), they engaged in a passionate round of love making that actually managed to slow down Six's famed fast talking. Whoa Joey, that was Cocksmanly!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Cocksman Values Diversity

In this rule, diversity should be applied in two ways. First, The Cocksman appreciates a variety of holders of vaginas that differ in important ways. Second, The Cocksman thrives on different types of sexual activity. We'll tackle each aspect in a separate paragraph.

It's not uncommon to encounter a person who has very specific requirements for a qualified holder of the vagina (e.g. skinny white girls). While The Cocksman can respect the qualities of the women with these requirements, he also recognizes that many different types of holders have different things to offer. The Cocksman would liken this approach to restricting himself to one type of holder of the vagina forever to restricting oneself to one type of food forever. While the spiciness of a Latina/burrito is great at times, The Cocksman understands that the richness of a Chicken Marsala/Italiana or the freshness of a Dragon Roll/Japanesa can offer equally wonderful, unique experiences.

Some people live by the cliche' "If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it." The Cocksman thinks those people are idiots. If The Cocksman lived his life in that way, he'd still be stuck with Missionary intercourse for the rest of his days. While Missionary is fun here and there, The Cocksman realizes that other positions, as well as other types of sexual activity, offer different types of satisfaction and help to keep interactions with holders of the vagina interesting.

Example A: After Winnie starts her job as a lifeguard, Kevin got a job at the furniture store. Based on his more recent conversations with Winnie, it's pretty obvious that she's got something else going on, but Kevin refuses to give up. When one of the hotter saleswomen at the furniture store pulled Kevin in for a kiss and offered up The Union of The Monkey as a starting point, he replied "No thanks, cowgirl with Winnie is the only way for me." Paul was so disappointed with Kevin's vaginamanship that he stole a page out of Wayne's book and smacked him in the back of head while berating him for being such a "butthead."

Example B: While Alex had a reputation for being extremely conservative in politics, it definitely was not the case when it came to the ladies. He wanted all kinds, except anybody who resembled Mallory. He knew what he wanted, so he performed a stakeout operation on the exchange students. In no time, he had a new girl for every night of the week who brought fresh foods, new positions and a renewed freakiness. In the end, he was so successful that Jay-Z wrote "Girls, Girls, Girls" as an homage to APK. That's cocksmanship fo' real.