Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Cocksman Shall Not Call "Dibs"

The Cocksman embraces competition for vagina. More accurately, he thrives on it. The Cocksman recognizes that the battle for the vagina will improve his ability to attract, force him to rise to the challenge and bring him closer to those embarking on the same quest as he. By calling "dibs," the pursuer has essentially admitted to being the less Cocksmanly and unable to compete with any of his allies. Not only is this a depressing admission, it's also an extremely selfish move, putting his non-Cocksmanly self pleasures (that he likely won't attain anyways) above his allies.

The Cocksman knows that, in a competition for vagina, the most Cocksmanly of the bunch usually wins and The Cocksman gladly accepts that. In fact, The Cocksman embraces it because, as a true Cocksman, it means he's going to be able to attain the vagina the vast majority of the time. The Cocksman isn't selfish, doesn't shy away from competition and is always looking to improve his Cocksmanship, thus, he doesn't call "dibs."

Example A: Leo, Raf and Donatello were hanging out in the Sewer watching some TV while Michaelangelo focused on scarfing down pizza in the next room. Eventually, the news came on and the gang got their first look at the sexy, sophisticated April O'Neil. Just as they were recovering from the shock of her beauty, Raf screamed out "Dibs!" even though it was clear they were all interested. After getting to know all of them, April snubbed Raf and repeatedly asked Leo to show her his sword. Unfortunately, Leo respected Raf's call and sacrificed his own pleasure to maintain the friendship. Raf, fuck you and your unCocksmanly ways!

Example B: Ponch and Jon walked into the station to find a gorgeous new dispatcher working the front desk. Without a word, both knew what the other was thinking about ways to make an entrance into that vagina. They smiled at each other when Jon whispered, "it's on." After putting on his tightest pair of pants and showing off a few motorcycle moves, Ponch took her into the evidence room and closed the deal. When he ran into Jon a few hours later, a high five was exchanged and tips were traded. The competition not only made them both better Cocksmen, but also better friends.

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